someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
vagina is talking i cant
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
