i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's never too late to be topless.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
