he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
