Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
