also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
