My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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