Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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