Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
