it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
