I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
