Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
