I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
