College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
