Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
