so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
