But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We need to get me chipped asap
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
