Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
