So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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