i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
