I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He literally asked permission to hit on me
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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