Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
