alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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