I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
