I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
