im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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