yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
