fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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