yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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