My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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