just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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