so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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