She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
