Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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