Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
