they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I need to calm my uterus...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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