Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
