she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
