I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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