i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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