i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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