it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
