that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
