hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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