Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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