i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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