I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
