you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
