What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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