Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
