I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
