i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
