Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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